Networking Doesn’t Have to be a Four-letter Word.

New York, NY (Renda Writer)

Let's be honest: "networking" is a word that makes a lot of people want to bail on their plans and stay home.

It conjures something transactional. Forced small talk with a business card at the end. A LinkedIn message from someone you met once at a conference who now wants something from you.

And yet, here I am. A one-woman communications shop whose entire business runs on relationships — built by me. Which means I don't actually get to opt out of this.

The Reframe that Helped Me

I was getting a bit downtrodden about networking. I was going to so many events, so many coffee meetings, and for what? Nothing had panned out as I hoped — yet.

One day it dawned on me to think about it the way I think about media relations. Something I've never seen as transactional, and never really expected immediate ROI from.

Sure, cold-pitching a journalist sometimes works — you never know. But more often than not, you build the relationship first. The trust. The rapport. You follow someone's work. You send a note when something resonates. You make yourself useful — not in a calculated way, but genuinely. You show up over time. And then, when you have something that's actually right for them, the call goes differently. And sometimes, it's them who reaches out first.

Relationship-building with journalists isn't networking. It's just paying attention. Being consistent. Treating people like people.

So why would I approach any professional relationship differently?

The Long Game is the Only Game

I've been working long enough to know that you genuinely cannot predict where a relationship will go.

I recently reconnected with someone I went to school with years ago. We weren't really friends — we'd pass each other in the hallway. We hadn't seen each other in over 20 years. A mutual friend reminded us of our overlapping interests, so we got together for coffee and croissants. Over lattes, I casually mentioned how much I missed working with East African projects, and it turns out her cousin — who may or may not have been my prom date — was doing work in Africa. I had no idea. A whole corner of experience and connection I didn't know existed.

That's networking. It doesn't look like networking. It looks like catching up with someone you used to know.

Looking back, the relationships that have mattered most in my career came from showing up — in rooms, in conversations, in email threads — consistently enough that people knew I was there.

What I Actually Do (and What I Remind Myself When I Don't Want To)

I try to think in small circles and actions, not big campaigns. One theme. One goal. One lunch.

I remind myself that the discomfort of putting yourself out there is temporary, and the returns — when they come, and they do come — are real. A referral from someone you interviewed for a role – but they were way out of budget two years ago. A collaboration with someone you stayed in touch with through job changes and pivots. An introduction from an unexpected source – from an entirely different scene.

10F Communications’ success is squarely on my shoulders. Which means I can't outsource the relationship-building, and I can't stop doing it just because it sometimes feels like one more thing.

What I can do is give myself permission to do it at a sustainable pace. I can pick and choose between events that feed my soul versus feeding my Rolodex.

I also use two layers of measurement. First, mine: Do I feel like going? What's the ROI? What’re the positives and negatives about attending or cancelling? Then a second layer — I hear a colleague (whom I met through networking) ask: is it worth your (literal) time? As a small business owner, driving two hours one way and standing around a high-top table might mean not pursuing something else. How does that trade-off feel? How will it help or hurt?

It's a reminder that you don't have to be everywhere. To appreciate the casual coffee for the work that it is. And to keep showing up in places that make you feel good — or sometimes you just need to suck it up because you're an adult — in order to get closer to your goal. And on the days you genuinely don't want to leave the couch? Keep it simple: a LinkedIn message, a quick email, a comment on someone's post. It still counts.